Attack of the Enigma Browser

I just had an epic phone call. I leave my cell phone number on my about me page since I tend to believe in the innate goodness of humans. It has yet to be proven true, thus far, but I’m willing to play the long game.

It started with an email from one ‘Dennis Baer’, followed immediately by a direct call to me (which didn’t afford me any time to read it until after the call). The contents of the email are pretty much spot-on to what what he communicated to me:

Hello

I have endured enough of Firefox and have abandoned it along with K-Meleon and even Opera. For over 2 years the makers of Firefox would not acknowledge that FireFox used huge amounts of memory, would load pages slow and used so much cpu cycles that other programs slowed down. The makers of Firefox in my view just hoped people like me would not bother them with experiences of huge memory use and slowing down of the entire machine! and just go away.

This has come to an end as of today.

I suggest Windows users abandon Firefox for now and get a browser named Enigma.

You can download it for FREE at http://store.democratz.org in which you will find the link just right above the products section.

I have 35 tabs open right now and it does not slow down the machine. The page loading appears much faster than Firefox and when you use it, you will laugh at Firefox slowness. This browser works better than Opera and Safari and Internet Exploder too.

Enjoy.

I realize that you work for Mozilla. You will not like finding this out when droves of people will abandon the Firefox Behemoth. I’m spreading the word far and wide about Enigma. Noone should have to put up with Firefox any longer until Mozilla gets their act together.

I just found enigma on the web yesterday and I now consider myself free free free from this Firefox problem.

Ironically, the link that he provided doesn’t seem to actually work. While I was on the call with him I googled for the phrase ‘Enigma browser’ and found two, nearly-identical, pages that both provide this ‘browser’:

  • http://www.suttondesigns.com/
  • http://www.advancedbrowser.com/

(I don’t recommend downloading them, they may contain virii or spyware.)

So while I listened to his enraged ranting I read up on this browser. Apparently it’s a skin on top of Internet Explorer 6.0 – in sort of an MDI:

He repeatedly stated phrases like “Firefox use to be good, but it’s gone downhill – it sucks!” and “It’s even better than Opera and Internet Exploder [sic]!”. I asked him if had had a chance to try Firefox 3 to which he stated “Yeah… it BLOWS!”

I could only assume that he didn’t know that I worked for Mozilla – until he mentioned that I was “the only Mozilla employee that he could find on the Internet.” Of course, during all of this it was all I could do but keep from laughing out loud. I was also on IRC, updating my co-workers in the Evangelism team as the call progressed – much to their surprise and amusement. I was sure to ask him plenty of questions – I figured that I’ll only be sold this browser once, might as well make it worth my time.

After he was done enumerating the benefits of the Enigma browser, over Firefox in particular, I thanked him for his time and explanation. I’m still about 70/30 thinking that this was serious vs. being a huge prank. Regardless, my hat is tipped to one Dennis Baer: That took some serious balls – astroturfing on a scale never before seen.

Update: This quote from their FAQ is fascinating on so many levels: “Is Enigma Browser a secure browser?
 Yes, Enigma Browser is secure. Since it’s based on Internet Explorer, Enigma Browser is as secure as Internet Explorer.”

Posted: April 10th, 2008


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